I believe it is time to lift the veil on a workplace reality some white leaders, managers, and employees may find surprising. Many white people aren’t on nearly as good and friendly terms with some of the Black people they work with as they might think. In the spirit of being helpful and working to develop stronger, more positive, and authentic interracial work relationships across the workforce, it’s important to face this truth head on, even though it may be uncomfortable.
As a Black woman who is often mistaken for being white, I have a unique glimpse into the common disconnects and misunderstandings that happen between white people and Black people, especially in the workplace. There are times when a white person can have an encounter with a Black person and the two people can walk away with completely divergent views of what happened. The white person can think they’re “friends,” or while there may have been a “simple misunderstanding,” that all is well and they’re still “cool with each other.” Meanwhile, the Black person may walk away feeling utterly disrespected and offended, marginalized, and subjected to countless microaggressions. Microaggressions are a form of racism, and this interaction could lead your Black coworker to conclude that you leaned into racism during the encounter. Frankly, as a result of your words, choices, and behavior, some may secretly despise and want nothing to do with you, longing for the day you’re out of their life.
Understanding what Black colleagues and presumed friends may privately think, but never say to your face, could improve your cultural intelligence and interpersonal skills when interacting with bosses, colleagues, clients, key stakeholders, and acquaintances of color. Learning how to improve your interactions with Black people is key to furthering racial equity. In my personal and professional experience, here are some of the most important things Black colleagues want white people to know but won’t tell them.
If you don’t support Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion and affirmative action, you are against Black progress
If a white person is against DEI efforts (including affirmative action), many Black people will see that as being against Black progress and for advancing systemic racism. When you stand against DEI, you’re undervaluing people of color. When you underfund DEI initiatives and departments, understaff DEI teams, engage in performative lip service by saying you “value diversity” yet fail to invest in diversity experts and hiring, or oppose affirmative action, your Black coworkers are likely thinking you’re not an ally of people of color. Your actions will lead your Black coworkers to see you not as a friend—but as a foe.
What to do? If you want to support people of color, then support DEI and affirmative action. This means being vocal with your support—internal thoughts mean little. This involves advocating for increased budgets and teams solving diversity challenges at your company, and raising your hand to share the workload instead of putting the burden on people of color to dismantle racism. It’s especially important to be an outspoken advocate when there aren’t any people of color in the room. Silence is complicity, supports the status quo, and means you don’t have Black people’s back when it really counts.
Privilege is white affirmative action
If you’re not a great leader, your Black colleagues could be thinking that you only got to where you are because you’re white. They may believe that privilege, nepotism, and being well-connected is how you got to where you are. White people have historically benefited from their privilege and from white Affirmative Action.
What to do? When discussing hiring, promotions, and compensation, be mindful of when and how you use the words “qualifications” and “meritocracy” and how these shape your analysis of talent of color relative to white people. If you’re talking about who’s qualified when Black people are being considered but merit for white people, then you’re allowing unconscious bias to impact how you evaluate candidates and who you deem as the de facto “right fit.” You could anonymize how candidates are evaluated. And on an institutional level, you could evaluate your hiring, promotion, and retention statistics. If Black candidates aren’t making it onto interview rosters and final candidate lists, or staying long at your company, you likely have a process that’s discriminating against these candidates as a group. Hire an outside consultant to help you solve this and allocate a sizable budget to your DEI efforts, just like you would any other business failure. Adequate resources signal institutional priorities. This isn’t just the right thing to do, but smart business. Plus, a prejudicial corporate culture could be ripe for litigation.
What white people perceive as innocent questions and attempts to discuss race are offensive and exhausting
Many Black people are tired of their white coworkers approaching them to discuss race or asking them to explain racism or answer basic questions. More importantly, you have no right to someone’s personal information nor their story. Asking to discuss these topics can cross a line and exhibit a sense of entitlement. Your Black coworkers may conclude you don’t respect their boundaries, are tokenizing them, and are too lazy to research the subject yourself. As they listen to you speak, your Black coworkers may display cordial body language and smile, but in reality, you may have overstepped.
If you want to ask random questions about the “Black perspective,” do your research beforehand. You need to own your personal responsibility to self-educate. This means doing significant due diligence on your own. A perfunctory internet search doesn’t count.
Most Black people are exhausted by the rinse-and-repeat nature of white people ambushing them with unsolicited racial inquisitions. Unsolicited questions are especially fatiguing and annoying if you’re not close. It isn’t the job of Black people to educate grown adults.
What to do? The next time you have questions, look for thought leaders who’ve already answered these questions in books, articles, and documentaries. Sign up for a workshop or course. Join a book club. Take ownership of what you don’t know to transform into a more knowledgeable employee, friend, spouse, neighbor, and citizen. If and when you have conversations about racism with Black people, and you’re told something is racist, believe it. Don’t give pushback or question what they’ve told you. Don’t pepper them with questions about irrelevant facts. This is gaslighting and can feel very racist to many Black people.
How to move forward
At the end of the day, you must decide how much you value the impact of your words and choices on Black people. If you don’t want to be a vector for racially offensive and harmful behavior, then it might be time to consider adjusting how you engage with people of color. If you want to lead by example, limit intergenerational racism, and support an inclusive culture, it may mean you should expand your understanding and learn to unlearn past mindsets.
Black people give plenty of thought to the choices white people make. Often, Black people draw conclusions about their white colleagues that aren’t positive and keep their thoughts to themselves. We may not always share these thoughts because it’s typically not in our best interests to be candid. The result is eroding trust and interactions that could be serving as an impediment to having authentic personal and professional relationships with Black people.
As a white person, it’s up to you to behave in a way that addresses these issues moving forward. You’re the one in control of who you want to be, what you stand for, and the values you signal to those in your life.
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