1. Model, Don’t Vent

One
leader found herself facing an all-staff call with thousands of
employees the day after their city faced a mass violence event. At
first, she tried to grit through it, sticking to her agenda and talking
points. Eventually, though, she realized how inauthentic it felt not to
acknowledge the horrors they had all witnessed. She paused, took a
breath, and allowed a few tears. Then she shared from the heart how
difficult it was to see their community under attack, how much the staff
meant to her, and how grateful she was for their service.

It was a
rare moment of rawness for her—and it landed. Her inbox was flooded
afterward with thank-you notes from staff who appreciated her honesty
and humanity.

What made this effective? She modeled vulnerability
without slipping into venting. She displayed honest emotion, but without
asking her staff to manage that emotion for her.

It’s
one thing to say, “It’s been a tough week, and I may be slower to
respond.” It’s another to launch into the details of your family drama
in a team meeting. One builds trust; the other may leave colleagues
uncomfortable and can call on your employees to provide emotional
support that is not part of their job description but which they may not
feel able to decline.

2. Use Shared Language

One
helpful way to facilitate honesty without oversharing is to develop a
team vernacular around well-being—a shared language around that allows
individuals to signal what they’re feeling without going into detail
that they may not be comfortable sharing. These shorthand tools
facilitate conversations on mental health and make it easier for people
to be open without requiring them to go into specifics.

I’ve seen
teams use a traffic light analogy, a numeric check-in, or a weather
report (“it’s been nothing but storms this week”). On one team that was
entirely remote, the manager sent everyone a toy cat (an inside joke on
the team) that anyone could place so that it was visible on their Zoom
screen when they were having a hard day, as a quick, visible indicator
that they might need a little extra support that day. 

One
manager was glad that his team had developed this shared understanding
on a day when his child’s school went on lockdown. He said to his team,
“I’m a 2 today, unfortunately; I may need some help keeping things on
track.” That allowed him to say what he needed to without having to go
into detail while he was still uncertain and anxious. Later, when he
learned that everything was okay, he was grateful that he hadn’t had to
discuss his fears in real time.

3. Find Your People

Being
authentic doesn’t mean being transparent with everyone. In fact, trying
to share openly in an unsafe space can backfire. But you do need places
where you can process your emotions, including at work. For leaders,
that often means cultivating a small circle of trusted peers or mentors
who can serve as sounding boards.

Look for people who understand
your context but aren’t directly affected by your decisions—colleagues
in other departments, peers at your level in different organizations, or
professional networks outside your organization. The key is finding
those who can hold your confidence, challenge your thinking, and offer
empathy without judgment. It may take time to develop those
relationships, but it’s worthwhile to invest in them, and to hold on
tight to them once you’ve got them.

Gallup research
shows that having a close friend at work boosts engagement, creativity,
and performance. Building a trusted circle also protects you from
isolation at the top and allows you to show up for your team with
steadiness and clarity.

Authenticity at work doesn’t mean being
raw with everyone. It means showing up in ways that build trust,
connection, and resilience. Leaders who strike this balance protect
their own well-being and create workplaces where others feel safe to do
the same. That’s the kind of leadership that helps teams not just endure
hard times, but thrive through them.