Funemployment Got You Down? Try A Real-Life Resume

August 3, 2015

We’re all tired of work resumes. There are only so many times you can say you’re a detail-oriented self-starting team player before it starts sounding blasé. Heck, it sounded blasé on the first try.

That’s why it was such a relief when a friend brought up real-life resumes. At the time, I was knee-deep in job hunting (and steeped deeper in the throes of unsuccessful job interviews, informational interviews, random Linkedin solicitations, etc.). To put it gently, I was feeling pretty low. The thought of listing everything that I actually could do instead of including a cliche, vaguely-worded skill set was a huge relief.

Real-life resumes function just like job resumes, but they detail real-life skills. One, for example, might include bullet points like “Excellent at facial contouring on own face and faces of others,” “Really great at henna,” and “Constant baker of extra-flaky pie crusts.”

Would you hire this person to do a professional job? Probably not. But, do you want to be best friends with this awesome human? Absolutely.

Smitten, I couldn’t help but indulge the idea of a real-life resume. It just felt so self-promoting and fun. It wasn’t long before I had a long list for myself, all under the objective “To be a stellar human.” Here’s what I came up with:

-Great at talking to strangers (and unafraid to do so in totally new languages)
-Excellent snappy email and jingle writer
-Does a funny Celine Dion impression
-Fearless at karaoke (no alcohol needed)

-Has driven a public boat, train, and one bus driver’s car
-Bartended for a night in Bali
-Still has a block phone with actual buttons in an age of all-things digital
-Has won A LOT of Sims Lifetime Achievement Awards

-Can make entire meals from scratch using a toaster oven
-Immune to poison ivy

Sure, crafting one’s own real-life résumé is more-than-a-little narcissistic, but it sure is fun. It’s also a great exercise to undertake when you’re feeling that pressure from fruitless job searches. Crafting a real-life resume reminds you of what you like about yourself, what your life experiences have been, and what you’re most proud of. It’ll remind you to put a little less pressure on yourself during a difficult job search and to focus on what actually makes you happy. And it’s fun!

What would appear on your real-life resume?

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